if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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