i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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