I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
