im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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