Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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