three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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