Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
