He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
