If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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