Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
