Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
