We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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