Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
