I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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