I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
