How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I will be naked everywhere
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
