Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
