sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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