well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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