The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
