Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
