How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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