And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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