Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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