fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
