did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
