I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
