I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
