Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
