i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
