...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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