The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
