I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
