she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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