piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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