THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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