you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
