Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
God, you're like boner-b-gone
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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