Just cropdusted the office
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
