He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
