their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
