I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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