I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
