I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
