Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
