awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
