So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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