it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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