I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
