i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
