if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
