Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
