Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
