do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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