Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
